it happened again.

IT HAPPENED AGAIN: MY CAMERA IS RUINED.

May 15, 2008

Dear You,

So, my camera is again destroyed. No, I didn't do something lewd in Weed, California that resulted in the camera getting run over in the snow by a certain vehicle driven by a certain friend. And no, it didn't get crushed to death in a Mika Miko mosh-pit at the Smell. So maybe destroyed is too harsh of a word. All it is is a tiny hair. A tiny F*#$@*& hair on the sensor. Jeaze, come on! It probably got in there when it got smashed in the Mika Miko mosh-pit 2 years ago. Yep, this is the same one that died at that punk rock show (and was later resurrected). Yep, it is the same one that survived 10 days of Middle Eastern conflict in Israel. And across America and Canada a million times. And to John Berger's house in the French Alps. And to Iceland. And to Palos Verdes. And through loves and tears. And now, on this lovely day, while I was beckoned by the sky over the East River - a sky glowing in such a luminous golden afternoon light - a sky that I rode to on my bicycle (down Wall Street in fact) - this is where it ends. I threw my bicycle down on the pier and pulled her out of her nice little case (the same case that once covered the remains of her mother's crushed body underneath a certain friend's car) and pointed her at the sky. And there it was laughing at me on a white cloud. The f****** hair. The stupid f****** hair. How can I photograph the sky with a f****** hair in the middle of it?

You may ask: just get the hair removed. I have repaired this one too many times. It's time (tears forming at my left eye) to move on. I will get a new camera tomorrow. And then I will pay my last respects to this one by throwing it into the East River where I tried to photograph today's sky.

BUT WAIT. LOOK AT THIS:

You can't see the hair, can you? That's because I put the hair right over the sunset, and since the sun is so bright, it washes the hair out. Do you know what this means? It means that from this day on this camera is now officially a SUNSETS ONLY CAMERA .

OK, So maybe now you are thinking this: How can this be the SUNSETS ONLY CAMERA when I am going to throw it into a river? That questioned will be answered after this.

And you know what's next, don't you? You think I am going to somehow try and get you to pay for my new camera which I will buy tomorrow in Manhattan. Well, indirectly maybe. OK, so you've figured me out. I'm an honest photographer, I am not trying to pull any scam. I am just trying to get a camera and give YOU something to hang on your wall, or get you to do something you wouldn't have done otherwise. So here it goes.

I am accepting donations of $20 for my new camera. You will get one of the following. You have to choose:

You pick a random 4 digit number (like: 7345) and I will find a photograph that matches that file number and print it for you and mail it to you. Don't worry, I've shot well over 9,999 images with this camera, so you can pick any number.
You let me pick a random photograph and I'll print it and mail it to you. I will also write a brief memory of that moment and send that to you too.
You pick any day of 2008 and I will send you a photograph of that day. I have photographs of everyday. I probably have photographs of everyday for the past few years - but I am for certain that I have everday of 2008.
You tell me something you want, and I will find a photograph of it and send that to you (example: tree, dog, cat, ex-girl-friend, best-friend, etc... Or, maybe you are more poetic: longing, sadness, truth, vanity, etc... Or, maybe you are more wild: crazy drunk photo, make out photo, naked photo, drug photo, etc... Or maybe you are part of a 'scene': photograph of freddy ruppert, photograph at the smell, photograph at ooga booga, photograph of xiu xiu, photograph of a girl-friend of xiu xiu, photograph of car clutch, photograph at art-opening)
You will get the two photographs from above: the sky with the hair, and the hair inside the sunset (these prints will not have the horrible pink type on them).

All photos will be printed on a full color laser jet at 8.5 x 11. They will be folded twice to fit inside an envelope. The reason I like to fold photographs is because I like to leave impressions on them that show they were sent through the mail. Don't forget to tell me which one you want.

I am accepting donations of $100 for my new camera. You will get the following:

You will commission me to take a photograph of me doing something within the photograph.
It is your choice.
It can be crazy.
It doesn't have to be crazy.
It can be romantic.
Maybe even sexy.
Please don't make it boring (I take that back, I like boring).
If it is too crazy and I can't do it I will have to return your money.
It cannot involve natto (Japanese fermented soy beans). Wait a minute, yes it can.
These will be printed and mailed like the other ones.
I will also email you the digital file so that you can make a nice print without folds if you would like.

I am accepting donations of any amount for the following collaborative instructions for a photographic work between you and me:

You make a donation of any amount.
I will email you a list of 10 things to photograph and what to do with the photographs once you've taken them.
Maybe I will tell you take a photo of 10 things in your closet, and then to mail them to the White House with a note that says, "Hey President, Want some stuff from my closet?"
Maybe I will tell you something else.
Once you've done it, you will have created an art-work.
Wait, maybe you are wondering: "Why do I need this guy to tell me what to photograph." You are a smart person if you are wondering this.
I am compiling a list of the ones I write here.

Are you still wondering about the paradox with the SUNSETS ONLY CAMERA and the throwing of the camera into the ocean? Well... Here it is. It is quite simple. The SUNSETS ONLY CAMERA is for sale. If you buy it you can only use the camera to take photographs of sunsets. Nothing else. If no one buys it, I throw it into the East River off of Wall Street. Perfectly clear?

The SUNSETS ONLY CAMERA is being sold for $750. (You know what that means? I buy an external flash for my new camera!). There is only one SUNSETS ONLY CAMERA. Get it while it lasts, or I send it into the East River!

If the buttons don't work, you can send a payment via paypal directly to this email: hikarusaru (at) gmail (dot) com. Also, email me your requests if there aren't any forms when you pay.

Thank You Very Much For Your Time. I Will See You In My New LCD Screen,

- DAVID HORVITZ

p.s. You don't even want to know what happened to my 35mm camera at dawn at the end of the Coney Island Pier two months ago when a gust of wind swept up a cheap tripod. YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW. THAT'S A WHOLE OTHER WEB SITE.

SOME PAST TIMES OF MY CAMERA'S LIFE:

times of radiance.